Pillar Two: Emotions
Our intention in creating Endings for Beginnings is to build a hub of resources to support leaders and their organisations to start conversations about brighter beginnings and healthier organisations, facilitated by better attending to endings.
This is the second of a series of posts, taking more of a dive into the practical application of our Four Pillars for Better Endings: Reality, Emotions, Accomplishment and Ritual. These Four Pillars first appeared in an article that we shared with leaders in July 2020.
EMOTIONS
We’ve arrived at Pillar 2, Emotions, quite literally the heart of the work. This work is most usefully done, after you have attended to Pillar 1, Reality, including the messy stuff. It is also best done with support.
The reality is that pain and loss will feature in your life and in the life of your organisation. As human beings we don't often attend fully to the endings we are experiencing. We don't face the reality that everything and everyone has a finite life. It is an uncomfortable truth.
Listening to our clients, it is often avoiding the difficult and emotional conversations, as a result of a wish to avoid pain, conflict, anger, regret and sadness, that leads us to shield our emotional selves. In closing down that emotional reality of loss we can miss the opportunity to look at the other side of the emotional coin where we find love, belonging, gratitude and joy. Paying more attention to the Emotions Pillar can grow our ability to stand in our own difficulty.
A leader who understands that an ending is a part of the future makes what comes next more likely to succeed. It takes emotional self-regulation and maturity to sit with the discomfort of loss, knowing that in an ending there will be disappointment, guilt, unfulfilled possibilities. In the world of endings emotions run high, and we have observed them running even higher as a direct consequence of leaders ignoring them. Conversations may then happen behind closed doors, leaving people feeling unheard or without an opportunity to be honest about how they feel, and the irony is not lost on us when we see this ultimately leading to an increased emotional response, often at an unexpected moment.
Emotions aren’t tidy either, and we don’t tend to feel them one at a time. When all emotions are welcome, more becomes possible.
If you are thinking as you read this that it would be useful to fully lay out the reality of an ending in your organisation, there are some questions below that can help you do that. We are aware as we offer this, that this is an area that people often choose (either consciously or unconsciously) not to attend to for the very reasons that we wrote the original article, in that it can be painful, challenging and emotive work. We encourage you in doing this work, to seek support if you think you need it. We encourage you to start with work on yourself, and not use these approaches to work on others unless you feel safe and qualified to do so.
Start with you. Work safely. Seek support.
EMOTIONS EXERCISE:
We suggest you work through your own emotions, to be in a place to support others experiencing the ending, and that ideally you work through Pillar 1: Reality, before you do this work.
With the ending you are currently working on:
Write all of these emotions (and any more that spring to mind as you do so) on separate pieces of paper, and place them randomly on the floor
Numb, Frustration, Surprise, Pain, Happiness, Trust, Embarrassed, Fear, Hope, Hopeless, Love, Grief, Awkward, Disgust, Sadness, Regret, Anger, Shame, Guilt, Excitement, Relief, Joy, Conflicted, Curious, Defensive, Grumpy, Disappointed, Regretful, Pessimistic, Optimistic, Disillusioned, Afraid, Stressed, Vulnerable, Isolated, Cautious, Nervous, Worried, Content, Excited, Confident, Relaxed Shocked, Impatient, Patient, Lonely.
Walk around the emotions, and with curiosity and an open mind, notice which emotions stand out for you? Which have you felt in relation to this ending? Which do you think other people have felt?
Which of these emotions did you expect to see? Which surprised you?
From here, you can think about what support you or the organisation might need to take better care of the ending you are experiencing. You can also now turn to the third pillar of Accomplishments.
START A CONVERSATION ABOUT WORKING WITH US
